Building Trust in Recovery
As they progress through addiction recovery, individuals will need to undergo a number of processes to ensure they reattain the state of health they had prior to the development of their condition.
In addition to physical detox and addiction therapy, however, individuals will also have to undergo the process of rebuilding the trust that became compromised as they slipped into substance abuse.
There are a number of keys ways an individual can hope to rebuild this trust, but it’s also important to consider the different types of trust that can be rebuilt and how addiction inflicts so much damage on trust.
Why is building trust so integral during recovery?
Building trust may seem like a secondary objective of addiction recovery, especially when it is considered in the light of physical and psychological independence from an addictive substance.
However, trust is something that those who develop addictions lose and struggle to live without. Being able to rely on others and have others rely on them is precious, and when addiction strikes, this interpersonal reliance often suffers.
1. Addiction’s impact on trust
As an individual slips into substance abuse, they gradually begin to lose parts of themselves. They lose focus on the things they care about, they abandon the actions and ideals that make them who they are, and prioritise drugs or alcohol over everything.
An unfortunate part of this decline involves the crumbling of trust in an individual’s life. The central and pivotal role drugs or alcohol adopt in their mind means that other things fall to the wayside, including the needs of themselves and others.
As a result, individuals cannot be relied upon to act in the interest of these non-substance-related things. Their brain and body’s reliance on a substance dictates a singular way of thinking and acting, and this results in a loss of trust.
2. The role of trust in recovery
This dismantlement of trust as addiction develops means that those beginning their substance abuse recovery are likely to have lost the trust of others. This pits trust and the rebuilding of it as a core pillar of successful rehabilitation.
Focusing on the trust that has been lost during addiction can motivate and guide recovery in a number of key ways:
- Identifying the ways in which trust has been lost during the development of an addiction can give individuals motivation for their recovery. Knowing they have something tangible to re-achieve can help them push through difficult treatment.
- Recognising trust as something they can achieve during rehab can give individuals the focus to channel their efforts in a targeted and deliberate way. As well as being motivated, they can see their hard work as a means to an end.
- Seeing recovery as a means of rebuilding trust can help individuals better understand the principles of addiction treatment. Detox and therapy can become steps towards a tangible goal with specific steps and real benefits.
The different types of trust
Trust is a broad term, and when it comes to that which individuals lose during the development of their addiction, trust can have a number of manifestations.
There are different types of trust that individuals can rebuild which involve different people and different relationships.
It’s important to recognise that all forms of trust are as important as each other and can prove just as difficult as each other to regain.
1. Trust between family members
The family unit is a central aspect of our lives. It often forms our central source of education, emotional support, and friendship. However, the development of an addiction can push individuals to disregard the importance of family and lose trust.
For young people, addictions can lead to the loss of trust of parents who begin to doubt whether their child is capable of looking after themselves or completing tasks.
Even as adults, these same mistrusts can develop between parents and children or between siblings.
Prioritising substances above other needs compromises the extent to which an individual can be relied on for things such as childcare, completing errands, or attending family events.
The loss of this trust can be incredibly distressing and lonesome, and that’s why there are specific treatments in existence (family therapy) which target familial relationships [1].
2. Trust between friends
Just as family members constitute pillars of support in our lives, friends can be equally important to our sense of self, social life, and development as an adult. However, as addiction becomes a problem, the role and importance of friends can fade.
It is a key aspect of addiction that makes hobbies and social life seems less and less important when compared to acquiring and consuming a substance. As a result, addiction diminishes the role of friends in the mind.
Over time, and especially if friends do not live together or close to one another, this lack of effort can lead to the weakening of friendships and a loss of trust that an individual will step up as a friend when it counts.
The loss of this trust can manifest itself in the lack of inclusion of an individual when it comes to events and meet-ups, plundering them into a cycle of loneliness that they can often fill with even greater substance misuse.
3. Trust between partners/spouses
As an adult, perhaps no relationship is more important than that between partners or spouses. They rely on each other not just for emotional support, but also the financial and day-to-day demands that must be maintained to ensure comfortable living.
Addictions, however, compromise an individual’s ability to sustain their half of such responsibilities. Consuming a substance (as well as recovering from its effects) takes up time that ought to be spent completing chores or spending quality time.
Similarly, spending money on a substance diminishes an individual’s capacity to be relied upon for paying bills and supporting children.
These aspects of addiction can easily combine to reduce a partner’s trust in an individual, putting not only their relationship at risk but also the family unit and household they might have built together.
4. Trust in yourself
Although it may seem like a lesser form of trust, an incredibly important thing an individual may lose during the development of their addiction is their ability to count on themselves.
Even if they want to be there for others and achieve good things, substance use disorders compromise an individual’s ability to trust the things they think and believe. They can begin to doubt they will ever be true to their word again.
Because addictions are such physical and demanding conditions, an individual’s best intentions can quickly be overwhelmed by the cravings that come from their biological and psychological need to consume a substance.
As a result, addictions can leave individuals uncertain of their own thoughts and feelings, resulting in doubts of self-worth and self-identity, both of which can be really damaging, especially if an individual has mental health issues such as depression.
Ways to rebuild trust during recovery
With trust being such an important and multifaceted part of addiction recovery, the available methods of rebuilding it are really important to know.
Due to each individual and situation being unique, it is likely that different techniques will vary in effectiveness. What’s important is that individuals consider their circumstances and the type of trust they are looking to rebuild and act accordingly.
1. Keeping to promises
A considerable factor when it comes to the loss of trust as a result of addiction is an individual’s ability to keep promises. Trust often becomes threatened because their commitments lose value due to being consistently broken or forgotten.
Therefore, rebuilding trust can be achieved first and foremost by making promises and sticking to them. Starting out small – such as promising to respond to text messages or answer phone calls – then working up can facilitate redevelopment of trust.
The reward of strong and fulfilling relationships has been identified as a key motivator for addiction recovery [2], and by drawing a direct link between keeping to promises and rebuilding trust with loved ones can positively fuel and steer addiction recovery.
2. Creating and respecting boundaries
Alcohol’s dominance over an individual’s thinking and behaviour can very easily lead to the erosion of healthy boundaries. In order to consistently acquire and consume alcohol, they can abuse physical, emotional, and legal boundaries.
For example, an individual may lie, manipulate people’s feelings, break into someone’s home, or physically assault someone in order to guarantee the acquisition of drugs or alcohol.
By resetting these kinds of boundaries, an individual can begin the process of rebuilding trust. Such boundaries can be agreed upon between them and loved ones, or an individual wanting to trust themselves again can design boundaries with a therapist.
By not only establishing these boundaries but honouring them, an individual can foster a desire to change which, with time, can help encourage loved ones to start to trust them again.
3. Establish and maintain communication channels
Distrust and doubt are two of the greatest contributors to the decline of trust. Not being able to trust an addicted individual often begins with not being able to communicate with them in a way that is valuable or reliable.
Often, those who are dependent on a substance will communicate minimally and only through channels in which they can mask their situation, such as via text message or very brief encounters.
Effective communication is becoming a greater focus for effective addiction treatment [3], and the habit of speaking and expressing themselves effectively within a treatment environment can help individuals channel these skills in their personal relationships.
For example, individuals can rebuild trust by becoming more adept at expressing their difficult emotions, talking about the negative experiences that push them towards substance misuse, and most importantly listening to the needs of others.
4. Take your time and be consistent
Addictions cannot be beaten in a rush. Reattaining sobriety is a process of detox and therapy which requires consistent effort levels across a long duration of time, and this principle of consistency and dedication can be key to rebuilding trust too.
By demonstrating patience and an ability to withstand the immediate urges that addiction has fostered, individuals can show both their loved ones and themselves that they can exercise both restraint and self-control in order to be relied upon again.
Impulsive behaviours are rewarded by addictive thoughts, but by showing they are no longer slave to this immediate gratification, individuals highlight that they can be depended on once more for day-to-day tasks and responsibilities.
Consistency goes hand in hand with this patience. By no longer being subject to such highs and lows of emotion and physical health, individuals can be more easily depended on, especially when it comes to family roles in which children are involved.
5. Adapt to change
Although it may appear to contradict consistency, being able to adjust and overcome changes is just as important when it comes to rebuilding trust.
As addictions develop, individuals become accustomed to habits and cycles that guarantee the safety and comfort of substance consumption. They panic when situations change or their supply of a substance is threatened.
Such reactions can’t be relied upon, and so redeveloping an ability to adapt to different situations can be a significant marker that an individual is trustworthy and independent of their desire to use a substance.
6. Remain humble
The journey from substance misuse to sobriety is a humbling one, and individuals who remain aware of the challenges and longevity of such a gruelling process will be more likely to anticipate and overcome its obstacles.
Substance misuse is synonymous with misperceptions of situations’ severity. The effect of drugs and alcohol on the mind leads to false beliefs and a lack of concern for non-substance-related issues, resulting in a disconnect with the real world.
By reconnecting with these realities and becoming humble, an individual can become someone their friends and family can once more trust to consider and react to the real risks and responsibilities of everyday life.
7. Stay focused on the long-term goal
Combatting and overcoming an addiction is a long-term process. It can’t be completed in a matter of days, and sobriety certainly cannot be achieved in a short time with an outburst of effort.
By understanding this and committing to treatment, individuals shed their prioritisation of short-term pleasure for long-term health and stability. This forward-thinking shows a shift in focus as well as a greater degree of dependability.
References
[1] https://nida.nih.gov/publications/drugs-brains-behavior-science-addiction/treatment-recovery
[2] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK571073/
[3] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK549858/
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